A Cleansing Cry

By Denise Wheatle

In every season, a deeper understanding of who God is, is revealed to His people, and that is what happened in my life.

First Sundays Were Special

My earliest recollection of the evidence of God happened when I was a young girl, probably pre-teen.

First Sundays were special.

If you were in the choir or a minister or deacon, you wore the infamous black and white on those first Sundays. The silver or gold plates were filled with communion wafers.  The cup receptacles were filled with grape juice, and the choir (we didn’t have praise teams at that time) was singing a C selection for Communion; this was usually a hymn. 

But I remember one of these Sundays, as we ate the wafer/bread and drank that grape juice, I began to cry.  I began to cry, but didn’t want my peers to see me, and dried my eyes as quickly as they began to well up.  

An overwhelming feeling of gratitude was beginning to rest on me. 

There was an overwhelming sense of the love of God and how much that love was for me. There was an overwhelming knowledge that Jesus loved ME. 

I was not around when His love was displayed through His great sacrifice, but at that moment, His love became so evident… and I expressed it outwardly through my tears.  

Friend

John 15:13 states, “Greater love hath no one than this; to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

I’m His friend!  Even though He is still my God, I am His friend!  The realization of this fact was phenomenal to me; I believe this is where the journey began!  

Stripped Away

A popular catchphrase was used on a particular infomercial from a few years back, stating, “But wait, there’s more!”

Well, as I said before, there was a series of events.  As I stated, God reveals Himself in different seasons of our life.  One is a more recent one. 

I had brain surgery at the end of 2019.

A growing tumor was found at the base of my skull, touching my cerebellum (which controls your balance and coordination in your body).  When it was extracted, it affected multiple avenues in my body. 

Before the surgery, I was an elementary school teacher of 17 years, a worship leader, and a singer/songwriter. 

After the surgery, I couldn’t even walk! 

I could talk, but my singing (which I had been doing since I was the tender age of 4) had been affected.  I didn’t have control of my right side, but I was right-handed.  Therefore, I had to go to therapy in an attempt to strengthen certain areas.

It seemed that the parts of my life that brought me joy were stripped away from me. 

Smiling on The Outside, But Dying Within

2 Corinthians 12:9 states...“my grace is made sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”(NKJV)

This was a powerful verse because I was truly weak.  It would be great to say that this scripture verse was all that I needed. 

However, I was angry and went through a depression.  I went through depression to the point that I didn’t want to be here anymore.  

I was so depressed that I had plans to end my life. I just could not figure out when. 

One evening as I was preparing for bed and everything was quiet, I heard a still, small voice, and it said to me, “Why are you thinking that way?” 

I dismissed the voice, went to sleep, woke up, told everyone I was okay and went through my day.  That night as I was preparing for bed, I heard the voice again.

“Why are you thinking that way?”

I dismissed it (because in my heart I knew who it was, but I was very angry), went to sleep, woke up, and told everyone the same story, “I’m fine!”

I got very good at putting on a happy face.  You know, smiling on the outside but dying on the inside.  The only one who REALLY knew my inward turmoil was God!  My closest friend knew what was going on!  Thank You, Holy Spirit!

A Cleansing Cry

Well, that third night, I was preparing for bed.  All of these thoughts were looming through my head.  Yet, I heard a small voice (out of all the clamor) say the same thing to me, “Why are you thinking that way?” 

This time I let that voice have it.

I mean, I unleashed everything that was inside of my frame.  I can neither confirm nor deny that a few expletives probably found their way in the midst of my release (don’t judge me, saints). 

But after... I started crying!  It was like a cleansing cry.  I let it out, and it was as if the Lord came and hugged me!

Love

Hebrews 4:15  “For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses…” (NIV)

That love that I felt was like being wrapped in a warm blanket; it was like liquid.  

I John 4:16 “...God is love…”

That’s who He is.  He does not HAVE love. He IS love!  And that love was loving on me.  That love reassured me that it would be okay; He was with me!  

So, when the question was posed, How did God reveal He is real to you? I would first say through my knowledge of His sacrifice.  Secondly, I would say through the love He has shown me through the healing process! God is great!  He’s a good God!

Denise Wheatle

Denise Wheatle is a woman that loves Jesus!  Is she perfect, NO!  Is she forgiven, Yes!  Is she a woman that God can use?  Yes!  She is a retired teacher, author, singer and songwriter.  Denise lives in Nevada, where she serves at Church LV in their children’s ministry.  She is a brain surgery survivor, which has stimulated other facets of her that had previously been dormant.  She writes to inspire others, as well as encourage others to not allow limitations in your life to be the final say.  God has the final say; you still have purpose!  Trust Him!

You can connect with Denise on Instagram @iamdenisewheatle or on her website at www.authordenisewheatle.com.

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